Life is terminal.
There will always be a goodbye, whether we want to say it or not.
Sometimes The End is unexpected, and sometimes we can see it coming.
But it is inevitable.
The Horse was my first horse. The first horse that I bought and owned, for I have had riding projects and borrowed ponies before.
I first acquired The Horse as a (supposedly) 6 years old Irish thoroughbred. A dental checked showed he was closer to 5 years old. He was inquisitive but spooky, and a very leggy baby, but he was willing and sociable.
We always had problems fitting saddles. He always needed a long time to warm up. He was always spooky and quick to react. But he was also my oversized dog that would try his best to do anything for me.
After years of bonding and fun we couldn’t get a saddle to fit correctly, to which the saddle fitter advised The Horse was lame and I was advised to get a physiotherapist. The physio asked if I have insurance and to get a vet because this would need investigating.
A year later he had been diagnosed with Degenerative Suspensory Ligament Desmitis (DSLD), an inherited connective tissue and ligament disorder. Essentially, over time the connective tissues and ligaments in the The Horse would slowly become less functional with use.
On top of this he had negative rotated pedal bones (foot bones at the wrong angles) putting extra strain on already disadvantaged leg ligaments, and irregularities in the cartilage of his stifles (knee joints).
The Horse had special shoes to correct the angle of his pedal bones and injections to sooth the irritation from his stifles. But since the underlying cause of everything was genetics, there was only one prognosis from the vet ‘Keep going until his legs can’t anymore.’
I grieved the loss of a horse I still had before I was able to come to terms with the fact that I had a disabled friend who would need help living his best life. I decided that when the bad days out-weighed the good it would be time to end things.
I focused on stretches and suppleness, on long, warm ups before work and tried to be understanding when he spooked – anxiety and pain are not good friends in a prey animal.
Although I put some limitations on our fun, we still did fun rides, and jumped and did all the things we liked.
In the final year none of the usual treatments helped ease his discomfort and the hyperflexion of his legs became significantly pronounced when ridden. I decided it was time.
If I had the money I would buy a field where my horse could retire and enjoy life to the natural end. But I can’t do that. Our last summer together we spent a lot of time riding in the evening sun around the countryside, just enjoying each others company. And I think in that last summer The Horse taught me so much about compassion and just enjoying the small things.
6 months later I felt ready to try again, to find my new best friend.
I fell in love at first sight! She was only a three years old racing thoroughbred, but when I got on her I just knew she was the one. She had no interest in racing and was more than happy to try everything I asked of her.
But racing thoroughbreds tend to come with issues.
Between very poor feet, and being accident prone (injuring both herself and me accidentally) I often could do very little with her. Then she started treatment for stomach ulcers, and just as I thought we were heading up, she fell gravely ill.
Barely 6 months after meeting my new friend she passed away from meningitis – such a rare and unexpected illness in a horse.
Once again I gave myself time. I spent time helping friends with their horses so I could re-connect with what I was missing. And again, about 6 months passed until I felt ready to search for a new horsey friend.
And so now we reach The Pony, who I will introduce properly later.
Although the last few years have been taxing and unpredictable, my love for horses and animals still stands. So here is to hoping for many more years of tales with my furry friends, until the next goodbye.